Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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