either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
