ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
