office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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