Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
