he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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