i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
