guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
