It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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