It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
