Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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