We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
