not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
