You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
