when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize