so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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