Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
