How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
