I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
