Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize