It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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