Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love having hate sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
