I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
