I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
