I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize