remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
