shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
