My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
