I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
