oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
