Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
