How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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