I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
