pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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