Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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