I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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