Your dad touched me again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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