i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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