Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
