Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
