What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
