My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
