I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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