I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
