i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
