Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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