8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
