we have officially lost it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
