So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
