Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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