Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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