kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
