I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
