We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
