would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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