I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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