my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
