I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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