that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
