i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
