i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
