after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
