i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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