Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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