My vagina just recognized that song.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
