Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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