Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
