So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
