And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she smelled like a LAN party
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
