Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
