Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The Olympian is in my bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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