I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
