You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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