Will you blow on my dice?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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