dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
