Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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