She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
