i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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