you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
