i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will pee on everything he values.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
