fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying