Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do herpes really smell.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.