I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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