dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
