Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
