OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
