woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
