I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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